


Lost in Thoughts

by menolly226



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: I cried while writing this, It starts sad, M/M, and all, but like, its not m8, well kinda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-12
Updated: 2017-02-12
Packaged: 2018-09-23 18:00:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9669929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/menolly226/pseuds/menolly226
Summary: Prussia was lost in his thoughts because he was realizing that he was starting to fade away. Canada was lost in his thoughts because he felt weak when it came to the decision of letting a nation die.Thoughts might lead to something the both of them weren't ready for. All the wrong circumstances to fall in love.





	

**Author's Note:**

> So, for some reasons I’m kinda like in a depressed mood, maybe because I got affected by seeing lots of drama, or just another down, but anyways… I’m not into the most happy mood ever lol.
> 
> When that happens I tend to write, so I’ma write this little Prucan drabble. Since I’m not one who likes to write sad/angsty stories, it’s most likely going to have a fluffy ending.
> 
> There might be a few typos, I'm sorry if so. English is not my first language in the first place >///

I felt lost, out of this world. No one clearly needed me anyways. I always feel like any move I make, any words I say, any thoughts I think are completely worthless. The tears rolling down my face meant nothing more than I was weak, maybe I wasn’t as strong as I thought I was. Being ignored, never being cared for, never letting me speak, I knew them all so well. Being seen as a freak by a few, or only a territory by others, I live in this unjust life where everyone has a word to say on me, but I can’t have one of my own.

Wasn’t I supposed to be strong? Supposed to be a great country? When did it change… When did life become this ridiculous. For all I care, people can try to make my life a living hell. I’m already the laughing stock of my own family, can’t be more of a disappointment. Forgotten, rejected, hated, the once great Nation of Prussia ceased, and I’m just left with regrets. I never meant to do certain acts, never meant to hurt people… If only I knew before how it felt to be miserable, maybe I wouldn’t be left with nothing.

Longing for a future death, if that’s what awaits me, I just have to accept my faith. All these wars where I never thought I’d ever disappear. Even when I was only a little tribe. My baltic culture had been completely thrown off, my people had tried to save themselves but the Teutonic Knights were too strong. I had to change when they took control over the territory, becoming this barbaric knight. Sometimes I wished I never changed in the first place. Maybe I would have died earlier, maybe I would still be a country to this day.

With the centuries, it’s not like I never saw a nation die… I have a reason for keeping in check all of my journals, so I could always remember the deceased, but will somebody remember me when I’m gone? At least, I could join Germania… It has been a long time since I saw him, he never really liked me when it came to my heritage. Being the Germanic role model that he was, my baltic roots were shameful to him. I was only good when I was winning more territories for the great german states, or when I was abandoning my own culture for his. When I joined the Holy Roman Empire, he seemed so grateful that I was there, forming the ‘’perfect’’ family that he always imagined, but I wasn’t the favorite, Holy Roman Empire was.

It hurts me to think back about it. I was once so hateful of the little nation, instead of considering him my brother, the one I should have kept safe, I wanted more power, prove everyone wrong that I wasn’t some kind of weak state. Then France got his revolution, and was leaded on by a great fighter. I realized way too late, that the nation I was supposed to protect, had fallen. I cried. I cried in silence for years. Ashamed of myself for being too eager of power to care about my own family. Then all the fights with Austria became regular. I couldn’t endure the pain anymore.

The only way for me to cope my sadness and my regrets was to fight even more. Become even stronger. Try to make something better of what happened. Old Fritz helped me in my moments of weaknesses. I never had felt so close to a human than him. Probably because we were the same. We were both misjudged and treated unfairly. We both grew stronger with one another. After the lost of his lover, he had to grew up to the requirements of his own father. Changing drastically for being a great King. I would always remember how he changed for the sake of the nation and it would always bring me hope in any challenges I had to face.

When he died, I also had felt at lost. I thought the only person I really cared about was gone. No more than just a name on the thousands of ancient kings. Holy Roman Empire had fallen a few decades after Old Fritz. I always tried to face the challenges like Friedrich did, but my faith was weak, I was too frail when it came to my emotions. So I became this nation that would take Europe by surprise. The nation who would rise up to anyone’s astonishment. A war here, a war there. More death, more blood, more power. I was craving a feeling I had never felt before, I had let it consume me. Let it lead my nation as a whole.

When Bismarck came into the picture, it changed again. It wasn’t just a game of territories, it was unifying my family again. All the unstable germans states becoming one. I was supposed to be a part of Great Germany too, disappear at that moment for the greater good. I didn’t, Bismarck had thought that our Prussian Empire was too big for being throw to dust, we would help the new nation live up the Germanic way of living that Germania had long implanted. The one I wasn’t even a part of in the start, but was forced into. For that, I still had to have an enemy; Austria. I never really wanted deep down to hate the guy, he was from the same family as me, well at least, same adoptive family. 

He was always a bit annoying, but he was still a great nation, one that would have still made Germania proud. I had to beat him for the unification. I won, and I always felt bad for it. Still to this day, he still have grudges against me. I remember taking Poland’s territory in my hunger for more power. I remember seeing his pained face when I had to take him out. He had still smiled at me and said that he didn’t felt betrayed. I hadn’t understood until now. I had kill my own brother, the one I shared my ancient time with. The one who would always make time together just to hang out and show me how to fight. Many people forget that Poland used to be a great country way before mine. 

In my own yearning for blood and power, I had betrayed many of my own brothers. From my Baltic roots or my implanted Germanic history, it didn’t mattered, I had betrayed them so many times. So when Germany finally came, I was shocked. I thought I was seeing Holy Roman Empire once again. That’s when I had remembered Fritz, how he had changed attitude to become great. I decided to be a good example for once. I cared for my new little brother, I tried to not get him into trouble. As much as we want peace, we nations cannot always control wars. Sadly, when the great war happened, Ludwig wasn’t that old, but had to grow up pretty fastly. He was so young and yet already seeing the atrocity of wars. I had grown up in them, the tribe and medieval times were filled of wars, so were the last few centuries, but I thought that for once we had done something great. 

After we lost the war… people started losing faith in their Prussian heritage, well not everyone. Only the few separatist movements going on around the end of the great war. I knew that I didn’t have any more power, that my younger brother was taking the lead in everything. I wasn’t bitter about it, I had been on this earth for many centuries, I was ready to deal with either being alone again, or dying. Something that I had never thought would happen. Ludwig had been trapped by a certain ruler. I couldn’t do anything, I was powerless and Ludwig was too. He never wanted to do all these things, he never imagined where it would have lead. 

As the last great thoughts of my nation were destroyed, Ludwig was out of control. I couldn’t blame him, he was influenced in thinking it was for the best of the country. We all make mistake as countries, but for him, losing another war and seeing all the damages he had created. He was ashamed. As his older brother I decided to take the blame for everything. I knew that I was dying sooner or later, that my once great Nation was gone for real. Any great things that would make me proud were all tarnished by a certain ruler. How dare he idolize Old Fritz on top of that. Saying all those nonsense things! Ruining the ideology of my country and monarchs for his own good. I never accepted it, but I still took the blame for Germany.

As of today, the 25th of february 1947, my past is a regret, my present a lost feeling and my future nonexistent. My death was sealed and signed by the four big winners of World War Two, and all I was feeling was this feeling of being lost. Who was I? Why did I betrayed everyone? Who is the real me? some things were meant to be left unknown, even for the humans.

_________

Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves.  
Henry David Thoreau

_________

I was tired, tired of everything. Again I had to follow my family around. I had my last constitution in almost a century now! I was officially a country for almost a century, but I’m never old enough. I just wanted to be independent for once, not just follow orders from my brother and parents. Even though I have been colonized way before Alfred, I’m always confused for the ‘’younger one’’. I can sign my own contracts, decided if I want to join a war, and make my own choices!

Being a soft-spoken nation didn’t help me neither. I always wanted to tell my opinion, but never was able to, people are always putting words in my mouth, and most of the time I’m not even okay with it. Following them to the end of this Berlin building. I’ve seen wars many times, but this one did freaked me out than all of the others. Just being in this city would give me flashbacks of the atrocities that was World War Two. 

I had to follow my family out of the building. They wouldn’t let me sign any treaty of peace after that one error in Japan’s one. I swear it wasn’t my fault. My general was stressed and just wrote on the wrong line… I feel like they always treat me like a child. Errors happens from time to time and it shouldn’t always be pushed in my face like my family likes to do. As if Alfred never did any errors. As if France never did any errors himself, or as if Britain haven’t done errors too. Mine was so minor compared to all of theirs. Anyways, I wouldn’t have signed this one treaty. I was against the dissolving of Prussia in the first place, well any country. Every countries had the right to make errors in life, the right to get back up and live. 

I didn’t know much about the said country that would now be dissolved, but all I knew is that Britain seemed more or less happy about it. France seemed a bit sad after the meeting went down, and America had no signs of any emotions which tells a lot. I had to wait for them to finish the meeting, since that error and the fact that I wasn’t one of the super powered country during the war and still influenced by Britain, I couldn’t attend the meeting. When they all got out, I saw the country of Germany sighing in defeat, sadness in his eyes. The country of Russia smiling as if nothing that had went down was about a country dying. 

I didn’t know what to think really. I was at lost. Should I be angry that my family still control me so much? Or should I feel ashamed for not doing anything that would save a country? Sometimes I just wished I had a more powerful voice, a more important presence, somebody that would remind of others that Canada exists. Life made me this too gentle country. Too soft-spoken, too nice, too easy to be walked on. Seeing the city that was broken a few years ago and slowly getting back into shape, made me remember so much. As I was getting back into my family’s rented car, I overheard a conversation.

The Germanic countries were freaking out. They had no clues where the dissolving country was. He wasn’t in Berlin, Germany, the leader of the gang, decided to send everyone in a few specific spots. He was heading to the old capital of Konigsberg with a few other nations, others would be searching around Berlin. As I got into the car, another argument started. I didn’t know much, but all I heard was France stating ‘’We need to go to Potsdam right now Arthur’’. I didn’t know why it was so urgent to go there. I was quite confused when I also heard England groan in displeasure and simply answered ‘’ok… but only because he is your friend Francis’’.

I didn’t know much more than we were heading to Potsdam. I never knew much about Germany’s map. I actually barely knew anything from Europe. Not like I never listened to the stories of France and England, more because I never visited it much. Even Alfred knew more. Since I was always the forgotten nation, I barely was able to visit Europe. I know the vast territory of North America, but other than that, I could easily get lost without any indications. I visited in the last decades a lot more of Europe than I did in all my centuries of living. 

Though going to meetings or war doesn’t bring more knowledge. In meetings you don’t have the time to explore, all you do is go into capitals or really big cities of a certain countries. During wars, you don't care which city you are attacking, as long as you are winning and not dying. All I could do is wait, and see if it would take long until we arrive. Just more time to think about the past and how I evolved in being here.

I was always a lonely child, I remember being really young and living alone in nature. Seeing sometimes the life of the natives of my country, playing in secret with the little kids of a few villages, or just being surrounded by wild animals. I must say, it was probably the best time of my life. Not like I wasn't happy with my life as in now, but in the time, I was only a child, I was free of speech, I was the real me without being shamed for it. Then some Norse nations found me. They had settled down in what is now Newfoundland. Fortunately for me in the time, they didn't like the harsh weather that my country could hold. 

Then France came by. Never really expected it, but they ended up settling down in what is now my Province of Québec. I was quite forced to change for my new ‘’papa’’. I didn’t mind in the time, he was gentle with me, good with me. Sadly, if France was here, England was near. Wars quickly became normal. My native population was suffering, and my way of thinking was changing. That’s when I started being a bit non-spoken, I was scared. Scared of saying something that could damage me, I had live in such peace for decades and century that all these wars between my territories and theirs was too much for me. 

I had seen war with the natives, but it wasn't like that. I knew that if France lost, I could die. I was his colony after all, and my only support was him. My military was, if not almost, nonexistent. I couldn’t win wars with what I had against England. When France lost, I thought I would be gone too, but to my surprise, England took me in. He showed me his other colony, America. We were close, I really thought of Alfred as my brother. New people were coming into my nation. it did start up little civil wars here and there. Still today my country is divided. The English against the French as always, but there were more division in those sides because of all the immigration I got. 

I remember when Alfred decided to have his independence, while I was growing slowly, he was already in his full man size. He was starting to have more power and was an admiration to me. When he first started to fight against England, I had to help my father and fight my brother. It had made me sad, but it was like this, and I couldn’t change it. Though, when papa decided to help Alfred, that was the top of the iceberg for me. I just felt like no one thought about my feelings in all of this. Always shared to one side and then to the other, I was tired of all. I just wanted to be alone for once, like before. For that, I needed to fight, or at least, try to. 

Alfred won, but it wasn’t over for me. We had a few wars in between his independence and mine. England was destroyed by the defeat. He never wanted to be strict with America, he just had to. We were considered his children after all. In a certain way, he got better because he knew Alfred would be a great country. He knew that Alfred could lead his nation to greater goods. His sadness changed for proudness. He secretly hid it though, always bickering Alfred for his choices, but that was his way to show he still loved him and felt proud. 

Then when my turn came, I didn’t choose to make a war. My people decided to just go with diplomacy. It took a certain amount of time before England decided to let me lead my country, but he agreed to it. Of course I’m still under the influence of Arthur, but at least, I can make my own decisions. I do not need to send every changes we would like to make to England, and awaits for their responses to our decisions. I still have great ties with Arthur, and my French speaking populations have great ties to Francis. 

It was peaceful for a few decades, and then the great war happened. I only accepted to be part of the war because England was going. So many things I regret doing, but still, when it’s time for wars, we tend to forget everything and anything. There is always this gush and dark feeling that seems to take control. The regrets comes afterwards. I felt a bit ashamed and proud after the first war. My people did great things, but the main fact of killing more people made me uneasy. I saw my cultures being torned times and times again because of all the changes on who controlled me. 

Sometimes I couldn’t even fight. Remembering how my natives had been treated, how they had been killed. As much as I tried to conceal these deep feelings. Killing others humans just felt the same. I just felt like I was killing innocent people, destroying their culture, for the sake of misunderstandings and politics. Since I’m more of a peaceful country, I never liked to fight in the first place, and when I did so, I didn’t feel the same. World War Two was a big blur. I remember fighting certain battles, but other than that, I can’t remember much of it. This war had been too much for me, the atrocities beyond what I could have ever imagined. That’s why my mind is such a mess, I can’t remember much correctly but the important battles.

We arrived to Potsdam. I took a look at the scenery and I felt a tinge. I couldn’t quite express the feeling, but it was a mix of melancholy and pride. The city had clearly been touched by raids during the war, you could see many buildings completely destroyed or touched a bit. It didn’t took long and we stopped. France got out the car, he simply ran, trying to search for something. England sighed and stopped the car. He told us to stay near the car and that France should be back in no long. We all got out of the car and looked where we were. 

It was beautiful. A bright yellow and Green castle. Compared to the city we have just passed by, the castle seemed untouched. The feeling came back, but stronger. A tinge of curiosity was there too. Silently, so neither Alfred or Arthur could see me, I went away. I decided to follow where Francis had gone not long ago. I was faced with a beautiful stair shaped garden. I had seen France’s castles in the past, but this one seemed different. I could see the French influence in the castle, but there was another tinge of something I couldn’t pull off. 

I was slowly walking near another entrance to the castle. I could finally read ‘’Sans Souci’’, how weird, French on a German castle? I didn’t mind it though, it felt right. I felt at ease in this place, as if its name would evoke calmness. I entered the castle, and just like in any fairy tale, I was in awe. Every time I would visit a castle, I would always admire the ancient way of decorating. All the gold that would give a feeling of power. Even though the light was dimmed, I could still sense the pride feeling that this castle would evoke. 

Some castle would evoke the feeling of love, or royalty. Sans souci evoked in me a feeling of peace and pride, but deep down, a more sad feeling was threatening to come out. I walked around, trying to make the less sounds I could on these marbled floors. The darker it got, the more I felt sad. I could somehow imagine a happy nation, laughing in these rooms, playing around, and feeling proud of being here. I couldn’t figure out which nation though. I walked and walked, until I found a certain room, which made my feelings tingling. It seemed like the principal bedroom. 

Mu sense were tingling even more, they lead me to a place in the room, it seemed a bit hidden, but once near, you could see a passage. I trust into my gut feeling and went ahead. That’s where I found, this beautiful library. A circle shaped library that overwhelmed me with peace and admiration. The rich gold and brown undertone of the place. The many books left into their place. I wanted to see them. Look at the books displayed. I could see a few work from Voltaire, other books of poetry, and then, I found a few other books with years on them. 

Touching wouldn’t make any harm now, would it? I decided to take the first year I could see; 1747. I thought it would have been archives from the time, probably from a king itself, but I was wrong. It was indeed archives, but not from a king, from a certain person named Gilbert. The name was ringing a bell, but which one? I read about Gilbert being happy with this person called ‘’Old Fritz’’. I read and read for what seemed hours. Until I heard a sound. 

I totally forgot that I was there with Francis, that he was searching for something. If he found me in there, he would probably be mad. I haven’t seen my papa being mad a lot of times, but when it happened, it wasn’t fun to see. I tried to quickly put the book where it was meant for, but my clumsiness made me drop other journals. I was trying to put the books where they originally placed when I heard a voice.

‘’Who are you?’’

_______

Curiosity is the essence of human existence. 'Who are we? Where are we? Where do we come from? Where are we going?'... I don't know. I don't have any answers to those questions. I don't know what's over there around the corner. But I want to find out.  
Eugene Cernan 

_______

 

Who is this person. I could hear Francis searching for me, but I didn’t want to be found. Just let me die Verdammt. I wanted to go hide into the last souvenirs of Friedrich; his library. All my journals were stocked in here, well at least, all the ones since the construction of the castle. I just wanted to be surrounded into the last pride of my existence. The sans souci castle was the only place where I could feel at peace with myself. 

The person looked young. Compared to me who looked a bit older, even though nations are not supposed to age, in the last decades of my life, I have seen my youth getting thinner. I could see on my face a few wrinkles, all faint, but still visible to the eye. My last wish was to be alone, selfish of me, but I couldn’t handle to see my brother hurt. I just wanted to go away and stay the disgrace I was. Old Fritz would be ashamed of me right now, probably stating that I’m making a moron choice, but at the same time, he would still be proud that I finally grew up to expectations. 

‘’Who are you?’’

I sounded harsher than I would have. The boy looked frightened. I saw a few of my journals on the floor and sighed. I silently picked up a few of them, a nostalgic smile crept on my face. The good old times indeed. The youngster probably didn’t mean to drop them. I saw him being careful while picking one. He is either one of those german kids who likes history, or maybe an historian. He didn’t answer my question yet so, no way for me to know. I looked at him once again, coughing a bit, and I questioned him again.

‘’please, who are you? and what are you doing here?’’

‘’I’m… Matthew Williams, sir. I was here with Fran- with my papa and discovered this place, I’m sorry for my intrusion, I will simply go away now’’

He tried to go away, but I had other questions in mind. I easily grabbed his arm and stopped him once more. The name, I knew. Francis had told me enough of time of his little ‘’amour’’. His old colony. I had never really seen the boy before today, to my surprise, he looked a lot like Francis. I wasn’t sure why I didn’t recognize the the son of one of my old friend and enemy, but now I did. He did represent the new generation of nations. His way of being and his fashion style just made him look like a newer country. 

It was refreshing. It was really refreshing to see new faces. See how they were. I knew that a few of them were sturdy, ungentle, messy, but this one. He was different than them all. All the new nations I’ve seen were pretty fussy and ungrateful to some things from the past other than theirs. France’s colony, seemed rather different. By the way he spoke, or his gentle touch, he had learned to be polite for a long time. He seemed a big frail, but probably wasn’t. The energy coming out from him was one of calmness. His presence was appeasing me for some reasons. 

‘’No running away now, Francis is close, and I do not wish to see him.’’

‘’But, I don’t even know you, and I need to go back with hi-’’

‘’Not now Birdie, please be quiet and follow me’’

I took his hand, we had only one chance of getting out of the castle without being discovered by Francis. I truly loved my friend, but my only wish as a newly dead nation was to be alone. The fact that I took his son in ‘’hostage’’ was something I’ll have to deal later on. My real plan was to just be able to go outside unnoticed and then drop the kid off somewhere where he wouldn’t be lost. I liked Francis’s son for one thing right now, he didn’t denied my orders and kept silent. We slowly got out of the library, passed by the now changed room of Old Fritz and tried to reach for one of the doors that could lead outside. 

We were two rooms away from a door when we heard foot steps from the directions we were going to go into. Being there when the castle was being constructed and decorated, I was able to know where to hide. A crevasse hidden by a golden statue was the perfect hiding spot for now. We hid for a few minutes, until we saw Francis go into the main bedroom, then we made a run for it. I haven’t felt this good running for years, as if I was reviving for a brief moment. At silent snicker came out of my mouth, I silently indicated the next turn we were going to make. 

The garden door was right there in our eyes, we didn’t waste any time rushing for it. We made it through it without any problem, then when we were running into the garden I heard it, a shout of French. I could see France on the second floor of the castle, shouting words I could understand and weren’t meant for children. The little birdie beside me could understand them too from the laughter I heard. One step, and another one, de-escalating the garden’s stairs and finally making a run near the central fountain. 

We had to make a quick move before Francis would join us outside and see where we were heading off. We made a wild turn to the right, i knew exactly where we were going, and Francis would probably lose us. Never did our hand stopped being linked, as fast as we could, we made it to the perfect hiding spot. The chinese house that was constructed later on. France had never visited the chinese house, never knew it was an extension to the castle. 

There wasn’t much in it, it was a circular shaped housing. Three other rooms were attached to it, it wasn’t big. Mostly just a place where we would sit, take the tea or pastries when it was too hot during the afternoon march. Memories would flow in whenever I stepped in the building. Old Fritz and I chatting and preparing future attacks. My past was coming back to me, and I felt less lost. I was who I am. I never really changed, my culture was affected, but I was still Gilbert. I shouldn’t go away pitying myself, I should go away with all the pride I could.

A panting sound made me come back to earth. I wasn’t alone, right. The little one right next to me seemed out of breath for a little bit. With all the years, I was faintly breathless, but still I was a bit exhausted from all the running. With the light emitting from the windows, I could see his eyes, a dark purple. It reminded me a bit of Austria, but the gleams in his eyes were completely different. A feeling of joy and happiness could be seen in those lilac like eyes. It was indeed refreshing to see new faces, maybe it was some kind of sign. One last moment of happiness and joy before I go.

‘’Hey there Birdie, you are okay?’’

‘’Y-Yeah, I just haven’t run like that from my parents in a long time’’ he laughed

‘’So, Matthew right? I remember when Francis would talk of his little colony all the time’’ I laughed a bit when I remembered how many times France would have cry his heart out every time he was apart of his colony ‘’I see that you have grown into a country, which may be?’’

‘’Oh… I would have never thought that papa would have talked of me that much… But I’m Canada now’’ He said that, and my heart skipped a beat. The smile that came right after the statement. I could see how much pride he had in saying these simple words. 

‘’W-Well, how interesting to meet today Canada… I am Pru-... well I was Prussia until today’’

His smile faded, so did mine. Our hands that were still linked somehow grew apart. I could see how awkward I had made the conversation into. Reality sank in, and I still will have to fade away. I would have thought that once the treaty would have been signed by everyone, I would be soon gone, but a few hours after it, and I’m still alive. Maybe it would take more time for me to disappear after all. I was nothing, not a kingdom, not a country, not even a province, nothing. I was again lost in my thoughts when I heard him saying something.

‘’I’m sorry for what they did to you… I wished I could have make them disagree on the matter, that every nation is worth living, but… my voice is never strong enough for them to listen…’’

I could sympathize with the kid, my voice was always too strong, too obnoxious. Many people would take me for granted because of it. I really enjoyed his company, he wasn't half as bad as many nations I knew. Such a shame I only got to see him for the first time today. The peace feeling he would imate would calm down any of my worries. Normally this castle would do so, but not today, and the thought of another country doing so wasn’t too bad. I probably wouldn’t hurt him when I’d have to fade away.

‘’Hey kid, it’s fine, I deserve to be dissolved. I’ve lived long enough already. Made many mistakes in the past, and someone had to be blamed. I didn’t wanted my little brother to be blamed and see him go away again…’’

‘’No one was at fault, we know it much more than anyone else. Us countries, we cannot decide everything. It wasn’t anyone’s fault if this goddamn fucking war started…’’

‘’Hey calm down Birdie, things happens for a reason sometimes… It just means it is finally my time to go. I’m sure you will be a great country kid. Take it from the awesome me, live like any day was your last.’’

‘’But… it’s just not… fair…’’ His sad tone affected me more than I would have. I couldn't remember when was the last time my story had affected anyone. The kid seemed way more mature than I thought. 

I sighed ‘’Not everything in life is fair Canada. No matter what, I will be gone and I won’t affect a lot of people like other nations did. People won’t spend years crying out that Prussia is not there. Pretty sure they’ll barely know what I was… it’s not very awesome, but at least I’m sure of not leaving with lots of people being sad.’’

‘’... I barely know you, and I would be sad…’’ 

I felt guilt. The more I talked, the more I felt like I fucked up. Maybe I shouldn’t have taken the kid with me, he wouldn’t feel that way about me if I didn’t. I felt a little tinge of sadness when he said that. If only we had knew one another before today, honestly. Maybe we would have been best buddies, who knows. He seems like me, or at least he seems to understand me. I could see that he wasn’t lying when he stated that.

‘’You shouldn’t be sad for an old man like me… maybe I just wished that we would have met in different circumstances, but don’t be sad for me. Prove me wrong, prove me that people won’t forget about me. I have faith in you Canada.’’

______

Keep your dreams alive. Understand to achieve anything requires faith and belief in yourself, vision, hard work, determination, and dedication. Remember all things are possible for those who believe.  
Gail Devers

______

I was tired. I had been working on these paper works for hours now. I had to leave for Germany in a few hours, and my luggages weren’t even ready yet. Another world meeting was around the corner and I had to get ready. Leaving for an entire week was way more difficult that we let it know. I would always have extra paperwork before and after the said week. I had barely finished all that was needed before heading off. 

Of course I just wanted to relax, but that would have to wait until I get into the plane. I had to drive home, do my luggages, be sure that Kumajiro will be transported with me to Germany, and so many other little things. I already knew what was going to happen during these meetings. Nations will yell at one another, it will be a complete mess and people would forget about me. It’s not like I hated meetings, but one way or another, I couldn’t miss one. 

The ride to my house had been without any problem. I would go to the second floor, get into my room, take my black and red luggage cases and finally fill them with the necessary. Once that was done, I made sure that Kuma was with me and then we headed off to the airport. As always It would take longer to go to the airport since where I lived was a bit further away than Ottawa. Getting there would always take me an hour and a half. Then at the airport, I would have to wait another hour just so I can get into my flight.

Going to Germany would always reminds me of 1947. Even more because this time we are in Potsdam for the conference. I’m pretty sure I’ll be able to sneaked out of a meeting and go back to the Sans Souci castle. The souvenir of him was still strong. I made him a promise that I still kept to this day, I would never let him be forgotten. After the war and his dissolving, I had named a town in the southern part of Ontario in his name. I had made sure that German and Prussian history would be thought in higher levels of studies. 

I actually never saw him disappear. No one really did. We all just assumed he was gone. I never said anything about me encountering him. When I joined back Francis and the rest of my family, I just said that he ran away before I could catch him. Everyone had believed me. Sometimes I still get sad that we didn’t met way before that day, but I always stay true to his words. With the decades, I learned a bit more on German and Prussian history. The reason why he felt at peace in the Sans Souci castle. 

‘’Old Fritz’’ like he was calling him, was one of the greatest Prussian king. Also known as Frederick the Great, he most likely was Prussia’s favorite. The way he wrote so passionately about him, I could remember it from his journals. I grew fond of the now gone nation. I would secretly wish to meet him another time. Say to him how I felt for the last 7 decades, but sadly he was already gone, and such thing couldn’t be done.

Before I knew it, I feel asleep on the plane ride that would take me to another land. I woke right when we were landing. The many sounds alerting the descent, and the plane hitting the ground were enough to wake me off. I waited until other people got off the plane before I did too myself. Taking the time to wake up and realize where I was, I just looked at my surroundings. I could once again feel this pride feeling. This internal peace that this country would leave on me. 

Getting out of the plane and waiting for my luggages. Kuma would be transported to my hotel room soon enough by the people working for the nations at world meetings. It didn’t take long until I found my baggages, and I headed off into a taxi. The taxi ride didn’t took too long and I was finally back into the city of Potsdam. It had changed since the last time I saw it. When I first saw it, it was ravaged by the war, now it seemed all restored, as if nothing had been touched in the first place. 

Since it was still early in the morning, I decided to go look up the sans Souci castle now instead of ditching a meeting. Few people would be there in the first place at this hour. So, I dropped my baggages into my hotel room and went back into the taxi heading off to Sans Souci. The same feeling occurred to me when I was in front of it. The same feeling of melancholy and pride that would emit from there. As I thought, not many people were there, a few tourists, but not a bunch. I paid the entry fee and went into what was a great memory. 

Visiting the rooms with all my knowledge was another experience. The fact that most of all the ancient paintings of the castle had been returned was also another feeling. I could still sense it, the feeling of deep down sadness that would always lingers. Ignoring the group of tourists that were with a guide, I proceed to go into the library. You can now visit the library, but cannot touch any of the books. I wished I could just close the door, make everyone disappear and read the famous stories of Gilbert in his journals. I could see all these books, filled of Prussian knowledge right in front of my eyes, but wasn't able to touch them. Cameras had been installed in the castle, so even though I wanted to, I just couldn’t touch them. 

I heard the sound of steps, I wasn't afraid this time. I knew I wasn't alone and that a group of tourists was there. I still admired the splendid room. When I was here, I always had the feeling that I could accomplish anything, that nothing was impossible. I could have stayed there for hours, just thinking about the past and how Gilbert would have lived here with his King. I’m sure he had some good moments in here… I just wished I was a part of them. I could hear voices, but I couldn’t care less about them. What was important right now is remembering greatly the past. 

‘’Never thought I’d see you again in here Birdie…’’

That voice… it couldn’t be. I was only hearing voices, nothing more… I was scared to turn aroundé What if it was just my imagination? What if it was a bad prank? What if it was real?... I was frozen in place, I couldn’t do anything more than wait for another question, if I heard nothing more, that would mean it was only in my head right? 

‘’Oi, are you listening? Maybe your country wasn’t that great after all…’’ I turned around at that.

‘’Don’t you dare say that my country isn’t great!’’ then my eyes snapped open… There was no one. A silence filled the room.

Of course I was imagining it. he was dead. He has been dead for almost 70 years now. Sadness overloaded me. It was too much, I cried. I had never shed any tears before today for Prussia. I had always kept my head up because he didn’t wanted people to cry over his death. I let my tears roll down my face. I had to be strong, but at this moment, I just couldn’t. I heard more footsteps, one big sound as if someone had fell on the ground. I wanted to turn around, but I couldn’t. It was probably just a tourist guide who wanted to know if I was alright and she might have made a wrong move or something. 

‘’Oh Birdie, please don’t cry, it was just a joke’’ 

I felt fingers on my face, a warm breath close to me. A scent that I remembered vaguely. I opened my eyes once again, there he was. Just in front of my eyes, in the same blue uniform that I last saw him wear. I couldn’t believe it, I didn’t control my tears, I just gave in. I let myself into him, I didn’t share much with him, but I had this connection to him that I realized in the last decade. We were meant to know each other, meant to know one another, meant to be together.

‘’Gil-Gilbert… I thought you were go-’’

‘’Shhh, let’s dry your tears first and then I’ll explain everything okay?’’ 

I simply nodded. I tried to wipe away the tears myself, but he stopped my arm and did it. A bright red flushed had appeared on my face and it seemed to make him smile. When my sniffling came down, he simply took my hand and started walking out of the library. This time, we had the time to see everything. He told me a few stories of him and Frederick in this castle that would make me smile. We enjoyed our time together until we reached outside. 

Once outside, we slowly made our way back to the chinese house. No words needed to be spoken. The peace that would bring one another was enough. There was no one around. Many tourists would only stay into the garden and mostly never venture out into the park. We got into one the little rooms, Gilbert locked it behind him and I could see that he was living there. I didn’t know for how long, but he sure did have the style. 

‘’I guess I owe you an explanation…’’ 

‘’Of course you do! You made me cry and wonder for 70 years if you were still alive!’’ 

‘’Well… I did had to go. I was technically dead for a few decades… Long story short, when Germany got unified again after the fall of the Berlin wall, I came back. I still haven’t said it to anyone… I have been living here for a few decades now’’

‘’But… what about your brother Gilbert? Everyone you cared for?’’

‘’I… I felt ashamed of myself. I didn’t wanted anyone to see me die, and I didn’t wanted to anger my brother if I came back. It’s not like I am a province or anything, I really have no idea why I am back. Most importantly, why are you here Matthew?’’

‘’Well… since World War Two, we have these important meetings with all the nations in them, so we can agree on certain things and what not, this time it was administered here, in Potsdam. I just thought I would come back for a visit…’’

The silence that feel upon the both of us was heavy. We were both lost in our thoughts. I had to accept the fact that he wasn't dead after all, he was back. All those mixed feelings I feel for him. I didn’t know what to think. Should I bring him to the meeting? Should I keep the secret? Should I tell him that I always kept his promise? Or that I might have feelings for him? So many questions, no answers, I was lost.

‘’You know Matthew… I’m happy you are the first one I see… really…’’

‘’Huh? What do you mean by that?’’

‘’I just feel like… we have something… I don’t know why, but when I’m around you, I am at peace. When I’m around you, I feel happy, and young again. Your smile is one of the most beautiful thing I ever seen, and I just feel like I could drown in those purple eyes of yours. I… I wished I did not sound ‘’cheesy’’ like you would say… I just, this bond between us seems so close yet so far. We understand each other, and… I don’t know… I just hope you felt this feeling too somehow.’’

New tears were appearing. I wasn't a sobbing mess, but I was tearing up a bit. Of course I had felt the bond between us. We didn’t needed to have known one another for long. In fact, this was the second time we met. The numbers we didn’t care, all that mattered were our feelings and our thoughts. The feeling we have been feeling for so long, longing to come out. It was love. We never knew until now how deeply in love we were. We still had no idea why Gilbert was back, but all we knew, is that someone, somewhere gave us another chance. A chance that we would both take upon us and cherish it. 

‘’Yes Gilbert… I have felt this feeling since the first time I saw you, grew much better when I learned about you, and now delivered. I always wished to see you again, always wished to be able to say it to you, and I won’t take this chance to slip of my hands. I love you Gilbert, and did so the first time I saw you. My thoughts were always lost, but when you came around, it’s like I wasn’t lost anymore. You gave me a reason to become better, and you made my heart flutter. I couldn’t ask for more than be beside you.’’

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We live in deeds, not years; in thoughts, not breaths; in feelings, not in figures on a dial. We should count time by heart throbs. He most lives who thinks most, feels the noblest, acts the best.  
Aristotle  
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**Author's Note:**

> All done~ Took me long enough to come up with this baby. (a good 12h of writing). That’s the longest One shot I've ever written. Y’all I swear… Comments and reviews are like seriously what motivates me hahaha, if you appreciated it, please take the time to send something, anything… really lol 
> 
> Pretty much everything is historically correct, there might be a few mishaps here and there, but I tried to stay accurate all along. I recommend you all to go search the Sans Souci castle, it’s great, and the story of Frederick the Great is truly interesting!
> 
> I hope you liked this monster of a One Shot~  
> -Menolly226


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